I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
