I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
