I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
