i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
