so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
