Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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