Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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