If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
