Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
