Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
