I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Buhtt sex?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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