You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
