No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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