I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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