No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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