Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you win again, gameday.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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