This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
