It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You are a genius and a whore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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