Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
