these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
