so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
