I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
