I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
