My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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