Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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