Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
