Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
