I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
