Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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