wrigley field is MILF paradise
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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