I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
