Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
