sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
