Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
