I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
