i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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