That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
