dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
