that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
