it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
