No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
