Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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