i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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