Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
