windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
