last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
