TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
