dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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