you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
