there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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