she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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