So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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