um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
