It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
