Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
